Have you ever seen the
first Shrek movie? If not, the story is about an ogre named Shrek who lives in
a swamp. He ends up on this quest to rescue a princess from a tower and a
dragon. The princess is very beautiful, but she hides away every night. Come to
find out, during the day she is human, but at night she is cursed to become an
ogre. I won’t tell you how the story ends, it’s a cute movie and I recommend
it, but the point is that the heroine is sometimes a beautiful princess and
sometimes a scary ogre.
That is EXACTLY how Japan makes me feel on a regular
basis. I call it “Feeling Like Fiona”. This usually happens with small
children, but it has happened with adults too.
One example of Feeling Like
Fiona happened a couple weeks ago, when I was out running. A girl, maybe first
year middle school, hit me with her bike. It was both of our faults really. I
was listening to my headphones so I didn't hear her and she was moving too fast
(well, to be fair, I was running so hopefully I was moving too fast as well).
She came around a sharp corner and slammed into my leg. She skidded away a bit,
but we both managed to stay upright. I was much more worried about her, I had a
scrape and what would turn later into a fantastic bruise, but was otherwise fine,
and she was struggling to gain control of her bike so as not to skid into
traffic. I ran over to her to see if she was okay and spoke to her in Japanese.
She answered fine at first, but she wasn't looking at me, she was still getting
her bike settled. Then she looked up and saw who she hit and she just froze. We
are talking deer-in-the-headlights frozen. I asked again if she was alright and
if she needed anything. Looking like she was seconds from tears, she gave me a
jerky bow and apologized in Japanese and English before taking off again.
Frustrated and upset, (I didn't mean to make her cry! Honestly, how scary am I?), I continued my run, sans headphones. As I was finishing up, I ran past some more middle
school girls who were waiting at a bus stop. They started giggling as I
approached and called out, “Hello!” I smiled and replied and got a “Bijin desu
ne!” Which means, “What a beautiful person!” And thus, I was transformed from a
scary ogre foreigner into a beautiful foreigner.
That was just one example
of many, and I don’t think I am wrong in saying that many foreigners experience
the same thing. With kids it’s more understandable. Especially in a place like
Kumamoto, they have very little contact with anyone that is not Japanese. Thus,
your friendly neighborhood foreigner, only twenty five and a teacher to boot,
becomes something unknown, something scary. But when I get that reaction from
adults it really upsets me. One time I had a dad put himself between me and his
kids and made them stop while I passed. He watched me the whole time, while his
kids peeked out from behind his legs. I bowed and greeted him in Japanese
because it felt awkward not too, and I all I got was a stony stare. Like he
thought I was going to eat his children or something!
It all boils down to being
really different in so many ways than the people you are surrounded by.
Physically, I will always stand out here and that is what prompts the mixed reactions. I buy the biggest clothes
in the stores here. Only L or XL for me in Japan. And sometimes those don’t
even fit. I can’t get pants to save my life, or shoes, unless I buy men’s. I am
an Amazon compared to my Japanese friends. I crouch down to take pictures with my
eighteen year old students. I could die my hair, flat iron it, put in colored
contacts and STILL not blend in.
The really cool thing
about all of this is that it is such a beautiful example of God’s creativity.
He makes such beautiful people in so many different shapes and sizes! I talk
with my girls as much as I can about this. Many of them want blond hair, they
want to be taller, they want pale skin, and a more prominent nose. They use
whitening agents on their skin, are always on diets, and want to get nose jobs
if they ever make enough money! It breaks my heart because I am quite convinced
my students are the best looking around. I tell them the same thing my mom used
to tell me. God doesn’t make mistakes and he doesn’t make ugly, so you are
absolutely gorgeous in His eyes and in mine. I don’t know that it helps, but I
am going to keep at them for the next two years.
I feel lucky to be able to
laugh about the situations in which I feel like an ogre, because I’m not sure I
could have a couple years ago. The princess treatment helps with that of
course, but mostly it has been a lesson of learning how to be comfortable in my
own, very different, skin here in Japan. And I think God has helped me adjust
to that pretty well.
A while back I was talking
with a few of my girls at Starbucks during our English Conversation Club. They
were playing with my hair and we were talking about different ideas of beauty. I
explained to them that in America, when I was in high school, I was teased for
my hair and my pale skin. They thought that was crazy, but I told them that it
was true and it took a long time for me to like my hair and that I was very
happy that pale skin was popular in Japan. One of my girls pulled on one of my curls,
then gave me a hug and whispered my own advice back in my ear, “God makes no
mistake.” And really looking back at the picture of Fiona the ogre above, I
think she’s pretty darn cute.
